SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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