i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
