I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
