I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize