On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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