Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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