i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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