the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
worst night to have a conscience
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
