A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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