Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
