I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
