Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
