1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
