I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
