Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
