every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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