Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
