You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize