I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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