u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
