Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
