walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
