so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
