yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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