its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
