He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
