I met the friendliest cop last night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
