Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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