So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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