I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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