i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This is my gift to your gina
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
