Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
