My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i came on her dog
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
