its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
