I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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