I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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