It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize