Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
