What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
