Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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