Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
