How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
