note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
