He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
