Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
