how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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