I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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