i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
