I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
