FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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