Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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