my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
