You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
