shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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