Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
