I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I want is dick and wine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
