like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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