why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is the high leading the old right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wear drunk well.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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