She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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