i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
