just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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