i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
