I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
